a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
