Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
