Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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