i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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