he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
