Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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