And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
