all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
