Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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