Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
