I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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