meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
