You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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