the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
