im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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