Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
