I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
