Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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