I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
