Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
