I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
