I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
