thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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