We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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