did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
