question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
