So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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