Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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