Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
