i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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