i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
