I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
