PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
