i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
