my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
