I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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