We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
