She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
