lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
