how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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