i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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