First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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