Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
