the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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