I cockslap morals
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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