You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
