she was so not down for the gang bang
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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