My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
