Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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