he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
