Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
