is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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