How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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