anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
