can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
