i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
