Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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