ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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