In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize