It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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