Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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