Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
