I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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