We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize