I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
