Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
please come you make the beer taste better
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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