he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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