There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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