God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
