The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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