so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
