why didn't you poke me back
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
