I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
