I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
