I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
