Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
