im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
