I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
