who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
