hotel room ftw
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
